Filk Song: DnD Edition

 So, there was this time I made a Tortle Bard because...reasons. I'm sure they were very important reasons, but I can't remember them quite at this moment! One of the things I did was write up a large series of filk songs to act as all my various spell casting. Here is one that I was particularly fond of!

Bestow Curse Spell

(Sung to the tune of Gangsters Paradise)

As I walk through the dungeon, drive my party insane

I take a look at my life and realize it’s never plain

But that’s just perfect for a cool bard like me

You know we shun boring things, like staying put you see

At 6:30 in the morning I’m taunting drow

My party says it’s dangerous, get back right now (Fool!)

And I’ve been adventuring and taunting so long

That even First Ones wonder where my mind has gone

I’m a Tortle of adventure, jumping off cliffs to win

Got magic items in my hand, singin’ songs and shit

And if we end the dragon’s life before the party ends mine

Then yeah, we’re gonna party like it’s 1499

(Chorus)

Been spending all my life

Living in a Bardic paradise

I borrowed a spellbook twice

Living in a Bardic paradise

I told the red dragon he should be more nice

Living in a Bardic paradise

He breathed fire, barely escaped with my life

Living in a Bardic paradise

A Beastman Gnoll almost bit me last week

I just smiled at him, and beat his ass, that freak

But I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well

Though when he dies, he’ll go to the abyss (Worse then hell)

I befriend Dragonborn, though most think they are worthless

A Tortle who is mean, you know that’s unheard of

I never use a longsword, only my magic stick. 

And some say I’m a thief, though I’m not really like that

If you come to visit, you’ll be confused to tears

We haven’t had a homeland in nearly a 100 years

But we are really nice, though we give most a scare

Because most of our elders are living-impaired

There’s no structure, no laws, and a really good bar

We don’t consider fun a luxury

Like a tower of wizard sorcery

As interesting as could be

(Chorus)

Been spending all my life

Living in a Bardic paradise

I borrowed a spellbook twice

Living in a Bardic paradise

I told the red dragon he should be more nice

Living in a Bardic paradise

He breathed fire, barely escaped with my life

Living in a Bardic paradise