Filk Song: DnD Edition

 So, there was this time I made a Tortle Bard because...reasons. I'm sure they were very important reasons, but I can't remember them quite at this moment! One of the things I did was write up a large series of filk songs to act as all my various spell casting. Here is one that I was particularly fond of!

Filk: Do You Wanna Enter Art/Sci?

This is a filk that my best friend and sister for life Ever co-wrote, late one night in between Facebook messenger. It's gone through a few edits, and I'm sure it will go through more, but as I cannot sleep and want to update the blog...ta-da!

Do you wanna enter Art/Sci?

To the tune of "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?"
Ever:
Do you wanna enter Art/Sci?
And document our every move?

Chris:
We review our every source we find, check all the words we write until our papers prove!

Ever:
We used to be so social, but now we're not. I wish we could have more time...!

Chris;
Do you wanna enter Art/Sci?

Ever:
It doesn't have to be at kingdom...

James:
Go away you two!

Chris/Ever:
Ok bye...

Ever:
Do you wanna enter art/Sci? And be authentic as you can?

Chris:
You will get all sorts of cuts and scrapes, with Middle French and poison dust to drive you mad!

Chris/Ever:
Just trust us.

Ever:
It can be so lonely, all these dusty books, just reading the same old things!

Chris/Ever:

Page flip, page flip, page flip, paper cut!

Chris:
Hello?
Please, won't you just try if? Laurels are asking where you've been.

Ever:
Come out and try you're hand at it, you've got a real talent, just let it shine!

Chris:
Art/Sci's really easy, we believe in you, please just give it a try...?

Ever:
Do you wanna...

Chris:
Enter art/sci...?

Bard Monkey

So something I enjoy doing is writing music and lyrics. Often times I cannot play the music I write at events, so much of my SCA work is in filks of tunes people recognize. I have a few songs I've written that I'll post here sometime, this filk has been one I've been meaning to add to the blog for a while but have forgotten.

Bard Monkey
(sung to the tune of Code Monkey by Jonathan Coulton, original song here)

Bard Monkey get up get coffee,
Bard Monkey go to job.
Bard Monkey have boring meeting,
With boring Site Herald Bob.

Bob say Bard Monkey very diligent,
But his breath does stink.
His clothes not period or elegant,
What do Bard Monkey think?

Bard Monkey think maybe Site Herald wanna cry goddamned morning news HIMSELF,
Bard Monkey not say it,
Out loud,
Bard Monkey not crazy, just proud.

(Chorus)
Bard Monkey like moonlight.
Bard Monkey like mead and bacon too.
Bard Monkey very simple man,
With big warm fuzzy secret heart,
Bard Monkey like you.
Bard Monkey like you.

Bard Monkey hang around at Crown Lyst,
Tell you Tudor look nice.
Bard Monkey offer bring you soda,
Bring you cup bring you ice.

You say no thank you for the soda 'cause,
Period it ain't.
Anyway you drinking some sekanjabin,
No time for that.

Bard Monkey have long walk back to Herald Point
He sit down pretend to work.
Bard Monkey not thinking, so straight.
Bard Monkey not feeling, so great.

(Chorus)
Bard Monkey like you, a lot.

Bard Monkey have every reason,
To get out this place.
Bard Monkey just keeps retaining,
See you soft pretty face.

Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake.
Go fence, take nap.
Blazoning fulfilling in creative way.
What a load of crap.

Bard Monkey think some day he have everything
Even pretty scribe like you.
Bard Monkey just waiting for now,
Bard Monkey think some day, some how,

(Chorus)

Filk: Bard Monkey

This is another filk song I typed up after some inspiration from my friend Lana.

Bard Monkey get up get coffee.
Bard Monkey go to job.
Bard Monkey have boring meeting,
With boring Site Herald Bob.
Bob say "Bard Monkey very diligent,
But is breath does stink.
His clothes not period or elegant,
What do Bard Monkey think?"

Bard Monkey think maybe Site Herald wanna cry goddamned morning news himself!
Bard Monkey not say it, out loud.
Bard Monkey not crazy, just proud.

(Chorus)
Bard Monkey like moonlight.
Bard Monkey like mead and bacon too.
Bard Monkey very simple man.
With big warm fuzzy secret heart.
Bard Monkey like you.
Bard Monkey like you.

Bard Monkey hang around at Crown Lyst,
Tell you scroll-work looks nice.
Bard Monkey offer bring you soda,
Bring you cup. Bring you ice.
You say "No thank you for the soda 'cause,
Period it ain't.
Anyway you busy drawing unicorns,
This'l haveta wait."

Bard Monkey as long walk back to Heralds desk,
He sit down pretend to work.
Bard Monkey not thinking, so straight.
Bard Monkey not feeling, so great.

(Chorus)

Bard Monkey have every reason
To get out this place.
Bard Monkey just keep on working,
See your soft pretty face.
Much rather wake-up eat a coffee cake,
Go fence take nap.
Herald's desk fulfilling in creative way -
What a load of crap.

Bard Monkey think some day he have everything
Even pretty Laurel like you.
Bard Monkey just waiting, for now.
Bard Monkey think some day, some how.

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

Filk: (Down in) Trimarian Lands

So I had this tune stuck in my brain for a while, and being the silly man that I am I filked it.

The original tune is based off Kokomo by the Beach Boys, I couldn't get the original song out of my head for days before the alternate chorus started flowing out of my mind. It took a few hours, but I decided to pen this down for my own personal amusement.

* * *

An Crossra, Star Haven ooo I wanna take ya to
The Ruins, Darkwater come on shine my armor in
Oldenfeld, Wyvernwoode baby why don't we go to Avalon

Where the three seas meet
There's a place with chivalry
That's where you wanna go to dance and sing the moon down

Fighting on the sands
Well-crafted mead chilling in your glass
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of a bardic band
Down in Trimarian Lands

An Crossra, Star Haven ooo I wanna take ya to
The Ruins, Darkwater come on shine my armor in
Oldenfeld, Wyvernwoode baby why don't we go
Down to Trimaris
I'll steal a kiss
While watching fencing lysts
That's where we find true bliss
Way down in Trimaris

To Martin's shrine, with water so divine.

We'll dye thread all night
Spin fibers by candlelight
By and by you will find, a doublet that will fit just right

Training Squires right
Consorts and Crown Lyst fights
That loving look in her eye
Escorting Princes as they claim their prize
Way down in Trimarian Land

An Crossra, Star Haven ooo I wanna take ya to
The Ruins, Darkwater come on shine my armor in
Oldenfeld, Wyvernwoode baby why don't we go
Down to Trimaris
I'll steal a kiss
While watching fencing lysts
That's where we find true bliss
Way down in Trimaris

Pots and pans, cooks highly in demand

Hearts shall always wish
To live down here in Trimaris
Where Peers of honor and grace
Are countless like all our sand
Here in Trimarian lands

An Crossra, Star Haven ooo I wanna take ya to
The Ruins, Darkwater come on shine my armor in
Oldenfeld, Wyvernwoode baby why don't we go
Down to Trimaris
We'll steal a kiss
While watching fencing lysts
That's where we find true bliss
Way down to Trimaris

An Crossra, Star Haven ooo I wanna take ya to
The Ruins, Darkwater come on shine my armor in
Oldenfeld, Wyvernwoode baby why don't we go
Down to Trimaris
I'll steal a kiss
While watching fencing lysts
That's where we find true bliss
Way down in Trimaris

An Crossra, Star Haven ooo I wanna take ya to
The Ruins, Darkwater come on shine my armor in
Oldenfeld, Wyvernwoode baby why don't we go
Down to Trimaris
I'll steal a kiss
While watching fencing lysts
That's where we find true bliss
Way down in Trimaris

A song, I helped to write :)

My good friend kaoru, our friend JP and I sat down on Saturday with the task of writing a filk song to be performed in less than 7 hours (or so we thought, the delay of feast extended that time a bit) in honor of the outgoing Baron and Baroness. This is what we came up with, I'm quite proud of it, and the lyrics are below the photo of us performing!

Baronial Bands

(To the tune of “Black Velvet Band”)

In a great barony called An Crosaire, they traveled from over the land

And many a gentle did gather, every one a proud Trimarian

Then good fortune it did befall me, walking near me like two Seraphim

Close at hand with a shimmering smile, good Rurik and fair Ceridwen

[Chorus]

And their eyes they shone like the diamond

You’d think they were lords of the land

With their swords and coronets shining

They’d pass the baronial bands

It was still quite cold in the morning, too cold for our blue southern blood

When heralds announced that the court had begun, I perked like a new flower bud

Well I watched as they stood in the court hall, bright minstrel and lovely maiden

Their hearts filled with pride in An Crosaire, good Rurik and fair Ceridwen

[Chorus]

A number of prizes were given, each one was presented with care

Takematsu decided to sleep in late, when he walk up his feet were still bare

Two ladies were Chivalry’s champion, The applause was a wonderful din

With tears in their eyes, they presented the prize, good Rurik and fair Ceridwen

[Chorus]

The king took their coronets gently, reluctant to lose such a pair

Who guided so well in An Crosaire, with kindness and chivalry rare

As they walked from the thrones of An Crosaire, promptly greeted by five shots of sin

He downed one and  all and they walked away tall, good Rurik and fair Ceridwen

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

A funny little filk

I tend to doodle filk songs for my various hobbies from time to time, much to the chagrin of my friends who I occasionally make sing ;). There's been a few I've been working on the last few days...and you all get to suffer and sing through them in your head! Huzzah you!

SCA Filk - Part of Your World

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the boy, the boy who has...everything?

Look at this trove, treasures untold.
How many wonders can one big tote hold?
Looking around here you think...Sure, he's got everything

I've got spices and graters a-plenty
I've got cookbooks and whetstones galore
You want sharp carving knifes? I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more...

I wanna be where the fighters are
I wanna feel, wanna feel them strikin'
Walking around in those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - greaves!

Wielding' a spoon, you don't get too far
Sticks are required for blocking, striking
Strolling down to the - what's that word again?
Lyst

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they war all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could fight for my Kings honor?
What would I pay to spend a day armored at last?
Trimarian Men, they understand,
The way to, honor fellow fighters
Jokes and drinkin', then some singin'
Moonlight to Sun

And ready to know what the squires know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
Why not black armor and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out on the field

Wish I could be
Part of that world...

Yeah, I know its not great...but it make me smile and that's what matters :)

One from the Vaults: Twas the Night After Thankgiving

'Twas the night after Thanksgiving, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The plates were all dirty, the cupboards all bare,
The fridge was all stuffed with leftovers in there;

My son was all nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of tinker toys danced in his head;

And I in my worksuit, scarf and fine hat,
Had just settled down for a vodka nightcap,

When out from the workshop there arose such a'clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what's the matter.

Away through the Hedgegate I flew like a flash,
Opened  door wide and kicked aside all the trash.

My Hedgebeast was running and jumping to and fro
To signal the completion of my weapons down below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Hedgespun sleigh, and eight steam-powered reindeer,

The weapons were primed and the missiles were quick,
"Well, that will finally do in that bastard St. Nick!

I have cold iron stocked and nitro boosts steady
With my night vision goggles I'll not be caught unready!

Now, Basher! Now, Lancer! Now, Taser and Mixen!
Now, Kermit! Now Ares! Now, Flamer and Twitchin'!"

I hopped in the sleigh and turned the key hard,
And rose high from my workshop, leaving ground charred.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the Hedge-top the robo-deer flew,
With a sleigh full of high-grade explosives, and rocket or two.

And then, with a roar, I heard in the night
A pack of Briarwolves, their eyes burning bright.

I drew up my reins, and turned myself 'round,
And pointed my weapons at the bastards on the ground.
There were rockets and rifles for hitting long distance,
And napalm and flamethrowers to ignite me some bitches;

I let loose my payload, tinsel sparkling in the sky,
And blew those poor briarwolves high up into the sky.

My eyes -- how they twinkled! My dimples how merry!
My cheeks were a sparklin', and I ate a hedge-berry!

"These weapons may seem abit much, but they just don't know,
How much I would give to see Santa's guts all over the snow;

His horrific reign of terror finally brought to an end,
And children everywhere can celebrate without fear once again!

And when he is gone," as I rub my hands in the napalm light,
"Then I can do his job, much to the childrens delight,

I can make all the best toys like a right jolly young elf."
And I laughed when I thought of it, in spite of myself;

"A dolly for Susan, and a Nerf gun for Fred,
Soon all will know they have nothing to dread!

A Teleporter for Holly, and a new yacht for Bandy,
While Edria gets a new dress that's just dandy!"

And laying my hands on the reigns nice and tight,
And giving a nod, I flew deep into the night;

The Hobs they all stared in wonder and gave whistles,
As I flew high above them, above Briar and Thistles.

And they all heard me exclaim, as I drove out of sight,
"You're time's up fat bastard, and soon it'll be Toil's night!"

Filk Song #3 - I have a Theory

So as some of you may know, I enjoy writing filk tunes to have acted out in my Game sessions. I'm working on my 3rd musical came currently, I figured I'd give those who follow the blog a sneak peak at one of the songs I've finished.

This one didn't require much work sadly, but once I finish recording it it'll sound awesome! I'll post the link to the finished product when the recording is finished.

Song: I Have a Theory!

Noel: I’ve got a theory that it’s a demon! A dancing demon? No something isn’t right there.

Asha: I’ve got a theory some kid is Waking, and we’re all stuck inside his wacky passion nightmare.

Solomon: I’ve got a theory we should work this out.

Sam, Gauss & Bruja: It’s getting creepy what’s this cheery singing all about?

Solomon: It could be women, some evil bitches! Which is ridiculous 'cause women they were persecuted. Ladies good and love
the earth and women power and I'll be over here.

Cloud: I got'a theory, could be unicorns!

Gambit: I’ve got a theory-

Cloud: Unicorns aren’t just cute like everyone supposes. They got them spiral horns and stompy diamond hooves, and what’s with
all the virgins!? What do they need such pure women for anyway!? Uni, uni, its just unicorns!! Or maybe midgets…

Asha: I’ve got a theory we should work this fast

Asha & Noel: Because it clearly could get serious before it’s passed.

Gypsy: I’ve got a theory, it doesn’t matter. What can’t we face if we’re together? What’s in this place that we can’t
weather. Apocalypse? We’ve all been there. The same old trips, why should we care?

Gypsy, Noel, Dea, Witness, Moonshadow & Eucharist: What can't we do if we get in it. We'll work it through within a minute. We have
to try, we\'ll pay the price. It's do or die.

Gypsy: Hey, once I died.

Gypsy, Noel, Dea, Witness, Moonshadow & Eucharist: What can't we face if we're together.

Noel: What can’t we face?

Gypsy, Noel, Dea, Witness, Moonshadow & Eucharist: What's in this place that we can't weather?

Noel: If we’re together

Gypsy, Noel, Dea, Witness, Moonshadow & Eucharist: There’s nothing we can’t face

Cloud: Except for spirits.

Filk song #2 - Why can't the Changelings?!

Last glut of posts, I swear :p.

This is an old Filk song I wrote over a year ago, done to the tune of "Why Can't the English" from My Fair Lady.

Mercutio:
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered.
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.

Toi Breaker:
Zxcuse me?

Mercutio: (imitating her)
Zxcuse me!
Heaven's! What a sound!
This is what the Changeling population,
Calls an elementary education.

Drago:
Oh, Herald, I think you picked a poor example..

Mercutio:
Did I?
Hear them down in Freehold square,
Flaunting bare thighs everywhere.
Running and acting anyway they like.
You, do you listen to the Crown?

Ugarti:
Wadaya take me for, shortround!?

Mercutio:
No one taught him manners or respect!
Hear a Darkling boy, or worse,
Watch a Wizened man traverse,
Around a woman dressing room openin' doors.
Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one!

Riley
Garsh!

Mercutio
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "Zxcuse" and "Garn" that keep him in his place.
Not his wretched clothes and dirty face.

Why can't the Freehold teach their Changelings how to speak?
This archaic, pledging diction by now should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir,
Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be running motels, too!

An Changelings's way of living absolutely classifies him,
The moment he talks he makes some other
Changeling sort despise him.

One common rule of law I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh, why can't the Freehold
learn to
Set a good example to people whose
behavior is painful to your ears?
Tampa and Gainesville's behavior will leave you close to tears.
There even are places where politeness completely disappears!
In America, they haven't practiced it for years!

Why can't the Freehold teach their Changelings how to act?
Hobs obey the market laws;
Most Lost obey their pacts.
In Arcadia every Loyalist knows his rules from "One" to "Ten"
The Gentry never care what they do, actually,
as long as they all worship them properly.

Most Fairest learn etiquette with the speed of summer lightning.
And Ogres learn it handicapped,
which is absolutely frightening.

But use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Why can't the Freehold,
Why can't the Changelings all learn to speak?

Filk Song

So I had this awesome and epic story in mind for today to feature my secondary Mage named Paladin. Then I started singing this song randomly at work...so I blame Ian and David for its creation.

This is silly, and not to be taken seriously. Hells bells, if you don't know the two Sabbat PC's in question you won't enjoy this as much as I do! But, I created it so here's my filk.

Sing this song to the tune of Chip 'n' Dale's rescue Ranger theme ;)

Some times Cainites
Go slippin' through the cracks
But these two Nos dudes
Are pickin' up the slack

There's no Lick too big, no Hunt too small
When you need it killed just call

Gilbert and Filbert
Nosferatu!
Gilbert and Filbert
They'll eat it, yeah

Oh no, it never fails
They'll make a ruse
And eat those Camarilla fools!

Gilbert and Filbert!
Nosferatu
Gilbert and Filbert